As a major introvert, blogging used to be such a fun mode of self expression. Here’s a secret: After publishing a post, I’d usually reread it over and over, and revise it at least 15 to 20 times. No exaggeration. I’m such a weirdo because I found it deeply gratifying to change just a few words and click “publish” each time, as long as I felt like my thoughts were a bit clearer. There was always some phrasing I could tweak or word I could switch out. Is there such thing as a writer’s high? I swear there is. It was so dumb – it’s not like I was writing about my thoughts on the current state of American education…I was writing about burgers and girls. Fun times though. 

Well, I think the blogs this time around are going to be a little different. Less revised, less refined, probably less interesting, and definitely less frequent. Simply because I don’t have time. I’ll spare you the details because it’ll just seem like I’m complaining when I’m really not, but lets just say that I can’t remember the last time I felt bored. This time around, I’m not going to care about grammar as much, diction, organization, punctuation, blablabla. Who cares. I may not even use capitalization or corectr typos becasue that will just eat into my sleep each night. 

Also, I used to write mostly for myself, but partly for my friends and folks that found the stuff palatable. If I had to be honest with myself, I used to want people that read my blog to think that I was insightful, creative, original, spiritual, and wise. Well, now I’m a 24 year old man and I couldn’t care less about how people perceive me or what they think of me. Fine, I still care some. Definitely less though. 

To close my first blog update in a really long time, let me prove it to you by practicing some internet e-humility!

10 Things About Myself that I’m Mildly Embarassed About But I’m Okay Admitting 

1. My mom packs my lunch everyday. Although today my sister packed my lunch today because my mom’s still on vacation with my dad. 
2. I’m still shy around cute girls. What the heck, I’m the same as my students and they’re half my age. Maybe this is why I’ve never had a girlfriend. 
3. If GPS was never invented, I’m positive I’d spend an extra $100 a month on gas.
4. I could not sleep by myself in the dark until I was 23. It was because of spiritual reasons, and I’ve since been delivered from it, but still. 
5.  I like eating the fat on steaks, even though its probably frowned upon by anyone who has cared enough to step on a weight scale in the past month. (not me obviously)
6. Actually, I was in the best shape of my life when I was 17. It’s been downhill ever since. 
7. Oh, and I buy extra chocolate for my students on Valentines Day and Halloween because I secretly want it for myself.  
8. I’ve been neglecting my two leopard geckos for quite some time now. 2012 will be different I promise. 
9. One of my New Years resolutions is to brush my teeth twice a day, everyday. 
10. I secretly look down on vegetarians and vegans (those that think burgers are murder, and not those that follow a diet according to their faith.) 

1. The Stink Face
This is a face that many musicians are familiar with. It’s the face you make when you rip off that one lick or hit that one note at the climax of a musical phrase. It is named after the face you make when you smell something very stinky. Pick your belly button right now and smell your finger. Yeah, that face.

Well, it also happens to be the same exact facial expression that many people here carry on their face as they walk around the room in prayer. When I get bored, sometimes I look around and start chuckling by myself. If I wasn’t in a prayer room, I’d think some of these girls were in labor. Now I know that’s not comical at all, but then I start imagining that they have to take a dump really bad, and then it becomes unbearably funny.

2. Hair Liberty
God tells the truth when he said that people of all nations, tribes, and tongues will come to worship Jesus. True even of IHOP as well, as I’ve noticed such wonderful diversity here. In fact as I type right now, a woman just prayed over the microphone in Arabic for salvation in Israel, and now another is praying in Spanish for Messianic Jews!

I know Scripture states that where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty (2 Cor. 3:17), but from my observations, I think some folks here take this concept of liberty to another level. Imagine five squirrels with hands and tails interlocked, repenting from lives of selfishly hoarding acorns each year. Now place that fiery group of rodents on an elderly man’s head, and that is what I am looking at 20 feet away from me. I’d take a picture for you, but John 20:29 states “Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.” Oh, and flash photography is not allowed in here, darn.

There is also a woman here, probably in her 60′s or 70′s that has hair that is at least four feet long, and it is completely silver. Pretty sure she uses a straightening iron too. I tell you the truth, no rapper has bling like this lady does on her head, and it actually grows from her follicles. When I first saw her, I gasped under my breath in awe and whispered “Gandalf…” I suppose if I felt particularly apathetic or complacent one day, I could just imagine her yelling “Run you fool! [for Jesus]” and I would have no choice but to do so with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.  What’s  sorta weird is that she’s kinda pretty for a grandma…but I digress.

3. Random Yelling
One of the most thrilling things one can experience at IHOP is sitting in a service with your eyes closed, listening to the ambient music, and out of freaking nowhere the girl next to you starts screaming at the top of her lungs.

Now, I trust that she’s experiencing wonderful things as I can just barely make out words like “YES LORD! YESSS! I LOVE YOU!! MORE LORD!” but seriously, it makes me fear for my life every time it happens. My instinctual response is to duck and run for cover as any normal being would do in drive-by shooting. I’m truly glad that the Lord is doing deep things in her heart, but I hope she also knows the blessing she has of being equipped with not one, but two spiritual weapons. In addition to the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Ephesians 6:17), she and others like her wield what I call the Nuke of Glory that Leadeth unto Destruction and Repentance, which is her screaming voice. Imagine our childhood friend Banshee after giving his life to Jesus, living solely to wreak havoc on the dominions of Satan. Glad she and I are on the same side, that’s for sure.

I can keep writing about these kinds of things, but I guess it’s one of those things where “you just had to have been there.” It’s just another reason for folks to come check out this awesome place called the International House of Prayer.

Afterwards, I started walking back to the convention center and I just started to pray.

“God, thank you so much for all that you’re doing in me, but I want more. I’ve been learning so much with all this teaching, and I’m being set free more in more in my heart, but I want to see the power of your Spirit move right in front of me. I want to experience what you can do, and what you want to do. Just give me an opportunity, just someone to pray for, someone to talk to…I just want to see your healing power for myself…”

Literally before I could pray another sentence, I saw a man sitting against a building as I reached the top of the hill that I was climbing. At first I thought it was a construction worker as there were some cones around him, but when I got close enough, I realized it was a homeless man.

I couldn’t tell if my heart was pounding because I was excited, or because I just climbed a hill for five minutes. Probably a little bit of both. I introduced myself, and asked him if it would be okay for me to sit and hang out with him.

I learned that his name was Bobby, and I asked him to share his story with me. He’s a 47 year old an army veteran who had served about 12 years total in prison over the course of his life for things like selling drugs, burglaries, stuff like that. A few moments later, he pointed out another homeless man that was holding a sign about 100 feet away at a corner. He explained that it was his friend, Robert, who was also a former Navy soldier that had also served some time and is now homeless too. He soon walked over to join our conversation, and even offered me some of his cheese puffs and granola bars. I was so humbled by his generosity, but I respectfully declined.

They asked what I was doing in Kansas City, so I told them as plain as I could, how I was visiting IHOP to rest in God and learn what it means to pray and intercede. I explained to them that I was a teacher, and that I felt called to impact the kingdom of God in our nation’s schools. They totally followed, and it was incredible how their eyes were full of compassion as they spoke words of encouragement over me.

After some more conversation, I went down the street to buy them some food. I remember even as I was inside Denny’s waiting for the burgers to come out, I was just praying for God to give me wisdom and anointing to love on these brothers. I didn’t hear anything profound, and I didn’t receive any prophetic words of knowledge, but God gently told me “just spend time with them, and love them, with no other motive than to simply love.”

We ended up just hanging out for about an hour and a half or so outside, the three of just leaned up against the concrete building. I learned that Robert was a Christian, but while Bobby grew up southern Baptist, he never really gave his life to Christ. We shared jokes, talked about our love lives, discussed some US history, and just had a good time.

At one point in our conversation, I got to ask the both of them what their dreams were. After a moment of thought, Bobby told me that he wanted to become a truck driver. Robert took much longer to respond. After a minute of silence, he shared with me how he wanted to work with kids, although he felt like that was probably impossible given his circumstance and past. He told me how he wanted to tell kids about the mistakes he’s made, and he just wants to be there for kids. He went on to tell me how Jesus speaks to him and asks “Robert, when are you going to come? When are you going to do my work?” Then the Spirit gave me an awesome idea.

I said “Robert, how would you like for some of that dream to become a reality?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll take a video of you just sharing your heart, maybe words of advice that you can give to young people. I’ll show the video to my students this fall, and there, that’s already 120 kids that you will impact.”

I grabbed my cell phone and as I was waiting for the camera app to load, I could tell Robert was so focused, trying to think of what he was going to say. He signaled to me that he was ready, and here it is:

That was so cool, right? Haha, you can even hear Bobby say at the end “that’s good stuff.” Can’t wait to show that to my students this fall.

After that, we talked some more, and it was about time for the evening session of Fascinate, the IHOP youth conference, to start down the road. Then, I felt the Spirit gently urge my heart, and I asked the guys “before I go, do you guys have any pain in your body? Anything that’s hurting that you want healing for?

Bobby replied casually, “Yeah, I do. My lower back.”

“What’s wrong with it? Do you have back pain?”

“Yeah..”

“On a scale of 1-10, how bad is it?”

“12.”

“Can I pray for you?”

“yeah, sure..”

Before I prayed, I gave a casual disclaimer: “Alright man, I’m not guaranteeing anything,  but I just want to pray for you.”  He nodded, and I asked him to point out where it hurt the most, and I laid my hand there.

I started praying, and at first I wasn’t sure what to feel or think. “Man, I really hope this works,” I thought. Then slowly, I began to feel the compassion of God fill my heart. I prayed the Gospel of Jesus over him, and I felt this surge of faith starting to rise up in me. I started to pray for healing like I believed it! I couldn’t believe that I was believing it! I eventually ended the prayer declaring Jesus’ love for Bobby.

Then I asked “so, Bobby, do you feel anything? Does it feel better?” Honestly, I was somewhat afraid of what he was going to say next.

He started to concentrate and started to move around in his sitting position.

“I…I feel better”

I couldn’t really read his face. “Better?” I was thinking, does that mean 1% better? Or all-the-way better?

I invited him to stand up, and I asked him again. “dude, just test it out. See if it still hurts.” He started to move around, touch his back, and he bent down to touch his toes.

“On a scale of 0-10, how bad is it now?” I asked.

“I don’t feel any pain at all…it’s a zero.”

I was shocked and I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I even said “Whatttt that’s crazy!” out loud. Then the Spirit gently spoke to me again and said “actually, this is completely normal, why are you so surprised?”

I was so excited, but I wanted to keep my cool. I explained to him that Jesus loves our bodies and that he wants to heal our bodies as a sign of what he wants to do with our souls. I explained how Jesus not only died for our salvation, but He was broken so that even our bodies can be made whole. I shared the Gospel with him, but he told me at the moment he wasn’t ready to give his life to Jesus. I was okay with that, because I trust that God planted some dangerous seeds in his heart today.

Robert shared with me about how he could use prayer because he had been so heart-broken by his ex-girlfriend. I got to pray for him too, and I’m still believing for the deepest healing of his heart.

As I got ready to leave, I gave them a couple gift cards to Denny’s and I gave Robert the wooden cross on my backpack after he pointed out how beautiful it was. I figured it was just an ornament on my backpack, so I gave it to him. He tied it right around his neck and said “Man, what a beautiful cross. Thank you. This is the best gift you gave me today.”

I got up and said a few last words of encouragement, and before I could walk away, Robert grabbed me and asked if he could pray for me. I realized then, that Robert was already responding to God’s call for him to follow Jesus, and to do His work.

The three of us held hands as Robert prayed for me. It was the most sincere and gratitude filled prayer, as he was thanking God for me and praying for God to continue to use me in the schools. To have this humble, homeless alcoholic pray blessing and honor over a 23 year-old spoiled punk from one of the wealthiest places in the world was the craziest juxtaposition to me. It was humiliating in the best possible way.

At that moment, it hit me like a ton of bricks. God gave me the revelation that this was truly what Jesus did during his time on Earth. He spent time with the broken-hearted and poor in Spirit, those that society cast out and neglected. Jesus fed them, healed them, and spoke the truth of the Gospel. The fact that God allowed me to experience first-hand the ministry of Jesus and the apostles….it leaves me in awe.

As I’ve written in previous posts, I’ve been experiencing such wonderful things in my heart this past week. However, I realized that it all led unto something far greater. All the freedom, healing, and anointing I’ve experienced this past week happened with purpose, because God loves me, and wants to use me to share it with others. Who knew that there is such joy, fascination, and glory to be experienced when we get to partner with what God is doing in our generation! Of course I’ve known this and experienced it before, but this was so fresh!

After Bobby prayed, we parted ways,  and I walked down the street back to the convention center. I entered a room filled with a few thousand others who were passionately singing the praises of Jesus, and at that moment, I knew that was exactly what I wanted to do.

The answer is a delightful “naw man.”

However, I will say that many of the girls here are really attractive. Physically, sure, seen some pretty girls here. BUT.

Man, I’ve been surrounded by these girls that are simply devoted to worshiping and praying to the One who calls them beautiful, and you can tell they really believe it! There is absolutely nothing more attractive about a woman than to see her fully satisfied and secure with her identity in Christ, worshiping Jesus with a pure, reciprocal love.

I have to admit, in more than one instance,  I caught a glimpse of a girl smiling in the presence of God, and my heart melted before I could even look away. Just to think, if they can do that to a stranger in a moment, how much more is God’s heart moved by a daughter that chooses to spend her days pouring out her affections on Him?

i got to talk with people here that did internships, and that are now living here in kansas city working while still remaining a part of the ministry in the fullest way they can. these guys have been here for 5-6 years and have seen ihop grow and bear lots of fruit, but they really see the big picture. from what they told me, they’ve seen many people come for an internship, get blessed, move out here, and then get burnt out because they didn’t realize that being an intercessory missionary is truly a calling that requires a certain grace to be able to do full time. many of those former-interns that moved out to KC are no longer part of IHOP. 

with that said, IHOP is an awesome ministry, just like many other ministries in the world and in the US today. it has its role and calling in the greater scheme of the body of Christ, but it also isn’t for everyone and has its shortcomings. for example, people that aren’t full time staff yet still part of the ministry here struggle to find true community. it’s much harder to find that here than say, at odpc or a more traditional church. On the contrary it has its strengths, in terms of devotion and committed pursuit for those that are full time missionaries here. in the same way that not everyone is called to go to the inner city or to africa or asia, not everyone is called to be here.

the prayer room is really special. is it some crazy, special new way of meeting with God? absolutely not. it’s the same thing as praying at home or praying with other believers. the only difference here, is that you’re surrounded by other like-minded believers who are dedicated and committed to pray. no matter where you are, if you can find a group of people with that kind of heart for Jesus, there will be immeasurable anointing and blessing. 

As powerful and fruitful as this ministry is, I wanted to know the bigger picture of what IHOP was all about. Are all 2,000 staff, interns, and students here at IHOP really this crazy about God that they can spend 30 hours a week in the prayer room?  Is this prayer movement really legit with people that are going hard after the heart of God, or is it just a bunch of misdirected, emotionally strewn fanatics ? What about this Mike Bickle guy? Their proprietary eschatological views?

Well, in just the past few days I’ve been able to see and experience the power of what God is doing here through this ministry. I’ve been so deeply blessed here, and I can’t say that enough. However, call it personal, selfish ambition or righteous and wise curiosity, but I kept on praying for God to bring me peace about my uncertainty of what IHOP is.

Here’s part of an email I wrote my sister today, and I think it sums up some of the things I’ve learned. Will write more later, but here’s this part for now:

Had some really, really good sobering conversations with some of the folks here. I’ve learned that as blessed as this movement/ministry is, it is still a human attempt at trying to know God and love on Him. As with anything on earth, including ministries, it has its shortcomings, its weaknesses, and there are people that are still being hurt unintentionally by the ministry. With that said, this is the real deal and I’m starting to understand IHOP.

I thought (somewhat unconsciously) that IHOP was inadvertantly condemning the American church as being dead or obsolete, and that they are the new and only way to pursue God. However, I’m learning that their heart is just for the Church (body of Christ) to wake up to the knowledge of God’s love for them and to realize again His desire for their affection, and that we need to wake up to the reality that prayer is far more essential to our calling as Christians than what we have settled for.

I know many of you are curious about IHOP in the same way that I am, and I hope this is starting to paint a better picture for you.

The lifestyle here is so contrary to what I just came from earlier this week. The first several hours in the prayer room were painfully awkward for me. Before, I was constantly on a schedule, always watching the time, looking at my calendar, answering emails, running from meeting to meeting, adding to my never ending list of tasks and responsibilities I had to attend to. Now…I have nothing on my schedule or agenda except to rest and spend time with God. To first be loved by Jesus, and then to respond in my affection for Him.

For most of my life, my time with God has been like taking a quick sip from the water fountain on my way to class, or like taking a brief swig of water in the huddle between plays in a football game. Now I’m standing here next to the Niagara Falls with a cup and all the time in the world, and I’m not really sure how I’m supposed to do this.

Seriously, the first couple times I went into the prayer room, I would sit down and think to myself “okay, what do I need to do?” I would start trying to pray, or to listen to God, to try to see what’s on his heart, to feel what’s on His heart. I would ask God question after question, asking “why am I here?” or “what is Your will for me here?” Then I’d frantically think “oh, I should probably read Scripture, maybe He has something for me in there.” After a while, I’d think “Oh, and I have all these books that I brought, maybe I should start reading.” Then I’d try my hardest to engage with the worship and intercession that is happening in the prayer room.

As I desperately tried to figure out what I should have be doing at each moment, every time, in the quietest, most disarming whisper, I’d hear God say over and over, “Joash, just stop. Just put everything down, stop feeling like you have to do something. Just put the Bible down for now, put the books down for now, stop trying so hard to engage and trying to hear something, and just be.” 

I know well the heart of Martha. Well-intentioned, tries her best to be hard-working, responsible, and she definitely has affection for the Lord, but at the same time she’s so distracted by the good things that she fails to choose what is better. Interestingly enough, Mike Bickle preached about Martha’s sister, Mary of Bethany, last night at the Encounter God worship service. It was exactly what my soul needed, and it ministered to my heart so much.

I’m slowly starting to feel this “religious spirit” in me lift off from my mind and heart, but it’s a wrestling process. It’s like the story of Red or the librarian from the Shawshank Redemption who are both scared of freedom and life outside the prison walls, and would rather stay in the only life they’ve known for decades.

It’s ironic, the youth retreat I served at this past weekend was all about “Freedom” yet I didn’t see that I lacked it this much. I’m starting to realize that after living my entire life in so many prison cells in my mind and heart, that the thought of true freedom kinda scares me. What does Freedom look like anyway? Will I even know how to function in true freedom?

I’m not sure if I’m really ready for it, but I want it…I think?

Well, now I have time!

At least for a couple weeks. I’ll be updating from time to time about my stay here at IHOP, the International House of Prayer. I’m mostly doing it as a way to reflect and process my experience, but also because I know a lot of people are curious about this place and what’s going on here.

I left on Tuesday morning with Leslie for Kansas City, Missouri. She’ll be staying here for three months as an intern in a ministry called Fire in the Night. She hired me as a taxi, but she insisted on sitting shotgun. The trip was  far less painful than I anticipated. It was an 18 hour drive, split over two days. Leslie, being one of the most generous people I know, paid for both of our rooms at a hotel in Louisville, KY. For dinner, we had some awesome barbecue at a place called Smoketown USA. We split a pulled pork sandwich and a full rack of ribs. The ribs were so great that I had to fight not to smile, because I didn’t want to expose the few ounces of the melted pork that were stuck in my braces. Closer to the end of our meal, the owner/cook even came out to ask how our food was. After checking to make sure that I had positive thoughts about my side of collard greens, he told me that he would pour the greens all over his wife because they were that good. Whatever that means. Maybe God will reveal it to me at IHOP. He sincerely thanked us for stopping by, and in my heart I thanked him for blessing my mouth.

Anyways, I’ve had drives to JMU that felt longer. I can’t tell you how glad I was to have a passenger with me for the trip. I’m confident that without Leslie’s company, I would have a) fallen asleep and driven off a cliff in the Shenandoah Mountains; b) gotten lost in West Virginia and eventually robbed by White supremacists; c) cried from loneliness and turned around to go back home; or d) all of the above.

We got here yesterday around 2pm, and Yelp’d a place called Big City Hotdogs for lunch. I ordered the Kansas City BBQ hotdog, which was a quarter pound Hebrew National dog, with bacon, barbecue sauce, blue cheese crumbles, and pickle spears.  She got a smaller hotdog with pico de gallo and guacamole. Overall, tasty, but somewhat overpriced.

After lunch, I dropped her off at her internship headquarters. Actually, it was a small clubhouse next to an even smaller pool next to the IHOP Global Prayer room. The parking lot reminded me of a scene from the movie Tremors. The terrain was rough, and there was so much dust that I thought I was in an infant tornado.

After we parked, the dust cleared up, and we were surrounded by a small legion of skinny-jean’d, headband-rocking, nose-pierced, Vans-trodden, canvas-messenger-bag carrying, big-Bible-wielding young adults. We parted ways, and I drove to the Global Prayer Room down the street.

I walked in, and picked up some brochures and literature about the history, vision, and mission of the International House of Prayer. I found the entrance to the Global Prayer room (sanctuary) and walked in. Before I even found my seat, a man stood next to me with the most bewildered look on his face. It was Pastor Jedidiah Chung. My youth pastor from 8th grade. A man of many mysteries. Dun dun dun.

The following are the results for my GT class.  Despite their test scores, only a few of them are correctly placed in a GT class since they’re genuinely gifted and talented.  Most of them are actually quite average.

The following are the results for one of my regular classes. A few of them should actually be placed in a GT class since they’re genuinely gifted and talented. Despite their test scores, most of them are at least average.

The actual differences between the two?

The majority of one class pays full price for lunch, while the majority of the other class receives free or reduced lunch. One class has fewer parents working fewer jobs, and the other has more parents working more than one job. One class speaks mostly English, one class speaks mostly Spanish. One class lives mostly in apartments, one class lives mostly in single homes.

But try to guess which class I’d rather teach…